“Come on, where is it?” Sitting at his desk and rummaging through the rolodex of phone numbers, Charles Xavier plucked out the card to the Baxter Building in New York. “Here we go, if anyone knows how to deal with that pompous tin-man its Reed Richards!”
Typing the number on his desk phone, Charles let the ring tone go off a couple rings before he received an answer.
“Greetings, this is the front desk of Four Freedom Plaza, my name is H.E.R.B.I.E! How may I assist your call?”
Shaking his head and rolling his eyes, the Professor rubbed the bridge of his nose before answering. “Damn Reed, hire a secretary… Hello, this is Charles Xavier of the Xavier Institute, is Reed Richards available?”
“I’m sorry but Doctor Reed Richards is currently in another dimension performing research on the effects of matter in the negative zone, he should be available to speak when he returns.”
Staring back at his phone with a dirty look, Charles’s eye twitched. “Oh, come on! The ONE person who will spend YEARS in front of a microscope is currently in another dimension?! What the hell is that four-eyed DWEEB doing?!”
*
Meanwhile in the negative universe…
“Yezzzzzzz… My planzzzz are nearly complete!”
Annihilus cackled and wrung his many hands together as he had Susan Storm, Ben Grimm and Johnny Storm bound in energy shackles and levitating near the insectoid universe destroyer as he waved his cosmic rod towards the swirling portal into the material universe where Earth could be seen on the other side.
“By uzzzzing you three azzz batteriezzzz, I will have the power to ezzzzcape this wretched dying univerzzze and conquer YOURZZZZ!” All around his swarms of billions of starving insect warrior screeched and cheered as their master made the portal larger to accommodate his starving legion.
“You’ll never get away with this Annihilus! My husband will save us and THEN you’ll be sorry!”
Buzzing his diaphanous wings, a smirk formed on his mandibles as Annihilus hovered towards the defiant Invisible Woman who struggled against her bindings. “Your Reed Richardzzz is no match for me and my cozzzmic rod!
“Oh Yeah? Reed’s gonna show up any second now and shove that thing right up your ass!”
Laughing at the three heroes in his possession and nearly having to keep himself up by holding his knees, Annihilus wiped a tear from his compound eye as his chuckling died off. “Pleazzze… I’d like to zzzee that.”
Without warning a blue boot came out of nowhere and kicked the insect lord in the crotch… HARD! Going nearly blind when his eyes crossed from the intense pain, Annihilus dropped the cosmic rod, falling to his knees while watching a stretched out white glove snatch up his cosmic rod and take it away from him. “I’ll take that you overgrown cockroach.”
“REED!” The others cheered just as Mr. Fantastic stretched his body out to join his family and free them from the energy bindings.
“HOW?!” Buzzed Annihilus staggering back to his feet on wobbly legs and drooling from the still throbbing pain. “I left you for dead in the maggot dungeonzzz!”
“That was your second mistake Annihulus, your first was forgetting I know those dungeons like the back of my hands, speaking of which…” Grabbing both ends of the rod, Reed broke the thing over his knee. The moment he did the negative universe quaked and began to collapse, along with the portal to Earth slowly shrinking.
“NO! MY PLANZZZ! HOW COULD YOU DEFEAT ME SO EASILY?!”
“Because bug for brains, if your gonna fuck over a universe, you better bring a RUBBER!” Stretching out his leg, Reed tripped the bug creature before shoving both parts of the broken rod up Annihilus’s ass, sending the bug man to squeal in shock before Mr. Fantastic jumped into the portal with his family, flipping off Annihilus with both hands just as the portal collapse along with the universe it linked to.
*
“He’s probably doing something nerdy like cataloging atoms on a damn rock out there… Fine, I’ll call him later.”
Getting up from his seat, the Professor reached out with his telepathy, seeking out the mind he had been waiting on to call him. “Hank? This is Charles Xavier… It’s been 12 hours, I DO hope you haven’t gotten so bad that you can’t pick up…” A few seconds later, Charles got a response when he heard the hesitant response from the Blue-haired X-man.
“Uhm… How would you react If I told you someone stepped on my phone?”
Slumping his shoulders and rubbing the bridge of his nose again, Charles sighed and replied. “Just meet me at the edge of the forcefield at the back lawn… We’ll talk there.”
Stepping out of his office, Charles turned to look at Boom-Boom at her desk still typing notes for the school memo. “Tabitha, please hold my calls until I get back… I need to visit the zoo.”
“Yes sir, Professor.” Chirped the blonde young lady as she bundled her papers together. “I’ve also managed to file the mansion’s taxes and finances in record time.”
“Thank you, Tabitha, … I knew psychically downloading the entire accounting for dummies book into your mind was a good idea with you.”
Going blank Tabitha replied. “Accounting for Dummies 6th edition, not available for redistribution, for any questions please call 555…”
Grimacing, the Professor stepped out of his office and down the hall where he could still hear his secretary recite the disclaimer from the book out loud. “I’ll fix that part later…”
Moving his way out of the mansion and down the back lawn of the institute grounds, Xavier headed towards the energy bubble that surrounded the new campus where he could already spot Hank McCoy and Hope Summers waiting for him at the field’s edge. When he finally stopped at the barrier and combed his fingers through his hair to calm down as the pair walked up to see him. “Ah there you are, I was starting to worry that JUDAS PRIEST!!!”
Practically towering over the man by at least two feet, the pair of blue furred beasts squirmed on the spot, holding their make-shift cloths as if they were scared they might slip off at any second. Their growth had made them taller and larger by quite a margin; with Hank looking like an 8-foot-tall bear of a man with a pot belly to match and Hope looking like some Amazonian cat woman who had an addiction to ice cream. “Uhm… Hello Professor.”
“What the HELL happened to you? You look like the cookie monster’s parents after they ate the Keebler Elf’s tree!”
“It’s horrible Professor! Everyone’s huge now.” Whimpered Hope, wringing her hands and tip toeing with anxiety. “As soon as breakfast started, we suddenly grew bigger, what if this keeps happening?”
Xavier himself had to grimace at the oversized, overweight and over endowed blue furred beast woman who wore a make-shift smock and tube top, Hank himself wore a loincloth where his gut overhung the waistline. “What are you both wearing anyway?”
“Spare bed sheets.”
Throwing his hands up in the air and turning around, Xavier took deep breaths and turned back to look at the couple. “OK, I am going to try and contact Doom again and see if I can’t get this shit-storm to blow into someone else yard, YOU two are gonna be damage control until that happens, I spent a great deal of money on this new campus and the last thing I want is it to be demolished by a gaggle of shaggy blue bears, got it?!”
“YES SIR!”
“Good… So how are the Avengers taking all this?”