Standing just outside the energy
barrier that now separated the school from a horde of elephant size blue furred
bear people, the remainder of the X-Men watched on as their afflicted friends
rammed against the shield.
“Wow, things went from bad to bullshit
in there…” Blinked Kitty Pride, holding her hedge clippers close to her as she
stopped her landscaping duties to watch her friends try to escape.
“Ah know Sugah, things are just
terrible.” Worried Rogue, holding herself while she watched on.
“This one’s following me.” Pipped in
Gambit as he was staring eye to eye with She-Hulk, now a massive blue monster
of a woman leering down at him like a prized steak. “It’s creepy, she’s
following me.” Stepping to the left, the She-Beast did the same. “Should I be
concerned?”
“Only if she gets out!”
Looking up when they all heard a
buzzing sound, the X-men found a Doombot flying overhead and flying towards the
front door of the Xavier mansion. Running up to the now hovering green and
chrome machine, the team found it carrying a paper bound package in its
metallic pincers.
When Kitty stepped up to the hovering
machine, a flat screen monitor unfolded from the front to reveal a digital
representation of Victor Von Doom’s metal mask. “THIS IS THE LATVARIAN DELIVERY
SYSTEM HERE TO PRESENT A PACKAGE TO… Charles Xavier… YOU WILL ACKNOWLEDGE THIS
DELIVERY!” A small pad and pen extended from the machine’s chassis right in
front of the timid girl.
“PLEASE SIGN ON THE DOTTED LINE.”
Scribbling her name on the pad, the
items snapped back into their compartments and the package was dropped like a
rock at her feet.
“THANK YOU FOR TIME, WHEN THE GLORIOUS
VICTOR VON DOOM CONQUERS YOUR COUNTRY, YOU’RE DEATH SHALL BE QUICK AND
PAINLESS… Please fill out the survey so that we may know your feedback with our
delivery system.” Taking flight and buzzing past the trees and out of sight,
Kitty picked up the relatively light package and called out to the professor,
who immediately called for his X-Men to meet him in his office with the package
in hand.
*
“Well my X-Men, today we finally won a
battle against Dr. Doom and stuck my wing tip shoe into his craw.”
A short applause filled the office with
several of the remaining X-Men smiling, despite the scene of the horde of blue
beasts still trying to escape their prison outside Xavier’s office window. “So,
what’s in the package professor?”
“Why Nightcrawler, THIS is the cure to
Doom’s Blue Flu he infected our dear friends in the neighboring campus, with
this we can finally fix this whole mess.” Gesturing a hand to Psylocke, Charles
continued. “Betsy, would you do the honours?”
Opening the package, Psylocke pulled
out a green card and read from it. “Congratulations Professor Charles Xavier,
within this package is as I had promised, the sole item to solve your greatest
problem.” Pulling out the item, everyone stared back at the brightly coloured
fortune teller’s hat made of yellow and blue silk with a bright blue feather
and a glittering ruby at its pommel. “I have taken the effort to register your
name as a fortune teller’s hotline from your front desk so that you can best
put your psychic talents to good use… In addition, I have set up psychic
dampening emitters around my kingdom to prevent any further interruptions from
you or your other telepathic students.”
Looking down at the brightly coloured
hat in his hands, Xavier took a sharp breath through his nose. Suddenly
Xavier’s phone rang, picking up the receiver Charles’s frown grew. “Yes, this
is Charles Xavier… No, I am not a… Well of course your wife is cheating on you,
why wouldn’t she?... Well FUCK YOU too!” Slamming the receiver down, Charles’s
eye began to twitch.
“Does anyone smell burnt toast?”
“Yeah… Me too.”
“So do I… Huh.”
Gently placing the hat down on the desk
and unplugging the phone when a new call came in, Xavier sat down at his desk
chair and pulled out his rolodex.
“My X-Men, please leave my office, I’m
about to do something we are ALL going to regret.”
“What?”
Lifting the business card out of the
rolodex and showing it to his staff, the entire group screamed and ran out the
door, save for his secretary Boom Boom. “Tabitha my dear… Could you please call
this number? I’m just going to get the bourbon ready for when he arrives.”
Picking up the card with a shaky hand,
the teenager looked frightened at the red and black card with a chipotle stain
on its corner. “D-do you really want to do this Professor?”
“No… But sometimes you need to fight
fire with a blowtorch.” Opening the drawer to pull out a decanter of bourbon
and a shot glass, Charles waved his secretary out.
“God, please have mercy for what I’m
about to do…”