"Ladies and gentlemen you've all been corrupted by the worst of your baser impulses, return to your dormitories or else I will be forced to take DRASTIC actions!"

Looking to each other the giant blue cats, wolves, bears and other critters began to worry before one of them stepped forward and snarled at Xavier. Emma Frost and her daughters smiled viciously as they stood face to face with the lone voice of reason left in the school.

"So the gorilla in the monkey suit claims he can stop us all? How pray tell can you do that when your psychic powers are no better than a cheap fortune teller's now?" arching forward and brandishing her claws the feral cat woman made ready to strike when Charles pulled a spray bottle from behind him and pulled the trigger. 'Pff Pff Pff."As soon as the watery mist hit her face...

"AAAAEEEEIIIIIIK! IT'S IN MY HAIR, IT'S IN MY HAIR!!!"

Screaming like a little girl with her ears back and tail risen Emma leapt back into the crowd and into Scott's arms as her kids ran and hid behind her, wide eyed and terrified. Another bold student moved forward and was met with a face full of sprayed water. 'Pff Pff Pff.' Making him squeal in shock and fall on his ass as the whole group backed away eyeing the horrible plastic thing in Xavier's hand.

"ALRIGHT!... Anyone else wanna be a hero?!" Yelled the Professor, eyeing everyone in the lobby as they shook their heads rapidly. "Good! Your all staying here until I say otherwise, AND just in case you get any bright ideas..." Pulling out a small remote from his pocket the blue gorilla pressed a single button and the entire campus sprinkler system turned on, surrounding the school grounds in spraying water.

"You... You monster!" With her tail between her legs and curled up like a child in Scott's arms Emma Frost and the horde of beasts had been defeated, cowering in fear as Xavier twirled the spray bottle in his hand like a revolver. "Now be good little beasties and go back to your kennels." Scampering as fast as lightning they all scattered out of sight, the echo of slammed doors filling the hallway as the Professor sauntered over to the living room and sat lazily on the couch before turning on the television and raising his feet to rest on the coffee table.

"Ah it's good to be in charge..."

***

"Still with us Logan?" Asked Hank as he finished the last transfusion with the rest of the team, the X-men having returned to normal as they helped the two captured mutants back on their feet. Blinking irregularly and wobbling back and forth Logan never heard a word Beast said, 50 tranquilizers in his system and short a pint of blood Wolverine only saw the Cookie Monster waving at him, a blue Chewbacca kissing Han Solo in the background, the Tin Man hugging Dorothy at the door and... "Hey Hope Summers, you related to that jerk from the future, Cable? Did you know I used to wipe his ass when he was a kid? If you ask Daddy-Deadpool nicely I could wipe your ass too, five bucks and I could include spanking."

"Ew..."

Deadpool... No matter how stoned Logan was he would always recognize that jabbering jackass anywhere! Finding the strength to stand Wolverine staggered up to the red and black mercenary trying BADLY to hit on Hope and lunged out to strangle him. "You... What the hell are you doing here Wade?" Gasping for air as the X-men surrounded him Wade struggled to breath, waving his arms wildly before reaching behind his back. "Helping YOU get the blood flowing again Wolvzees. SMOKE BOOOOOOOMB!" Kneeing Logan in the crotch and snatching the vial of Blue Flu from Beast's hands the mercenary with a mouth gave Hope a 'call me' sign with his hand before running out the door, the room filling up with tear gas a split second later.

***

3 hours later...

Stepping into the front doors of the Xavier Institute the cured X-Men ran to the infirmary while Logan staggered over to the living room to sit delicately on the couch. An ice-pack at his groin as he slowly and gently sat down.

"Ah lovely you've all returned, I take it Hank McCoy has managed to get everything under control?" Asked Xavier, sitting with his leg crossed over the other with a cup of tea in his hands, Wolverine took one look at the well dressed blue furred gorilla and shrugged. "I guess so... I've had a long day, I just wanna rest."

"Hmm, yes." Commented Xavier taking a sip from his drink, reading the man's mind while he was at it. "The good news is the tranquilizers should wear off in a few hours and the kaleidoscopic acid-trip your going through should disappear with it, the bad news is the crotch kick is VERY real and will last much longer."

"Hate him... Hate him so much..."

"Yes I know, I've read your mind... Hard not to really, I've had moments contemplating rewriting your memories so that you would have believed you were a Broadway singer from Australia, sadly Jean God rest her soul caught on and I only had enough time to give you the lovely singing voice instead."

"Hate you... Hate you both..."

"That can't be helped." Looking up as Hope rushed over with a bundle of drinks on a tray and giving Xavier a vial, the young red-head ran off to cure the rest of the campus. "ThisisHank'scuregoingtocureeveryonebye!" Blurted out the girl as the blue gorilla man looked to Logan with a smile.

"By the way Logan what happened to the High Evolutionary?"

***

SHIELD forces had arrived not too long after being called and had arrested Herbert Wyndham and his animal men, er... Woman. Deadpool had been a bit trigger happy and killed off all but the iron clad villain and his feline secretary as the two were cuffed and put in the back of an armored van heading for the Triskellon.

"FOOLS! Your iron bars and cement walls cannot make a proper cage to contain the perfection and brilliance of the High Evolutio-" With the doors slamming in his metal face Herbert sighed and leaned back in his seat in the truck, fiddling futily against his cuffs as he sat across from his secretary. "Don worry M'laird, there be other times we be gettin a chance to change the world."

Frowning behind his metal faceplate the man noticed his secretly sniffling as she tried to rub her nose. "Miss Kitty?" With a light sneeze she rubbed her nose as her hair and ears suddenly turned blue, then one sneeze became another, and another, and ANOTHER. With each nasal blasting sneeze Miss Kitty grew bigger and bluer until she took up the entire space of the truck, her dress exploding off of her muscular bulk and curves as the man sat between her scrunched up legs and bust. "Miss Kitty?" Sniffling down at the man the blue feline woman purred as she hugged her Lord close like a teddy bear, her claws making scratches in his armor as she licked at his faceplate. "Mmmm... Tuna in a can."

The end?

For him probably!