by burke_rakers
Storyline What the heck is this???
Previous Chapter This is the starting chapter

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"Batman...Bruce, please let me explain..." Babbled the portly, little villainess as she held up her hands. Her plump hands were tucked neatly into white, cuffed gloves like a fancy headwaiter, but those chubby, little hands were nimble and quick. She was a cunning creature - had always been - and he expected some sort of trick. But...she'd called him Bruce....and THAT was unusual.


   "Well, Penguin...I'm waiting."


   She frowned at that, her brow creased with consternation as she fussed with a silver cigarette case. She slipped the cigarette into the black holder she'd always used, and muttered "Please stop calling me that, Bruce. I'm NOT really the Penguin. I'm...well, this is going to sound odd, but...well, I'm Wonder Woman."


   Batman blinked at that. He remembered clearly who the Penguin was, and THIS was obviously the Penguin. She was very short, and quite obese. A fat, food-loving criminal with an obsession for birds, umbrellas and 'gentlemanly' crime. She was dressed in a fine buttonup white shirt, white bowtie, black tails, black top hat and pinstriped purple pants that flaunted her size. Fishnet stockings, black pumps and white spats finished off a look that he remembered she'd always had, though...a vague itching at the back of his head that something about her was off.


   Her face was...somewhat like Wonder Woman's. That is to say, that if Wonder Woman had a large, upturned nose, jowls, double chin, straight black hair cut into a short bob...


   But it was impossible. This couldn't be Wonder Woman. For one thing, she moved and acted NOTHING like the Wonder Woman he'd known. It wasn't just her physical appearance, after all. She stood, sat, spoke, acted...heck, even waddled like the Penguin. As he watched her, she paused and removed the monocle from her right eye, polished it with the kerchief she kept tucked into her Brest pocket, then returned it to her right eye with the practiced motion of a woman who'd worn a monocle for years. As she did so, she muttered and mumbled to herself in the same distracted, squawking way she always had, mixing a steady stream of 'wak-wak's into her quiet monologue. That being said...and it was a lot of evidence...it had to be agreed that this was hardly a 'typical' stratagem for Gothams' 'Artful Auk of Crime'.


   Batman glanced around at the room about them. They were in a jewelry store in a swanky part of town, and at the Penguins' feet was a satchel that buldged with rare jewels. The Penguin looked down at that satchel and blinked. She looked up at Batman and sputtered out a birdlike "Waugh! I...I don't remember...I mean, Batmen...Bruce, I just woke up to my situation just as you entered the room! I don't remember anything else! I mean...hasn't your foe the Penguin basicly gone straight now? Why would he...she...whatever, be robbing a jewelry store anyway? I swear to you, Bruce...I was just leaving the JLA satellite through one of the teleporters when...I woke up here..."


   "Wonder Woman disappeared days ago, Penguin. Where were you between now and then?"


   The Penguin (or possibly Wonder Woman) just threw her hands in the air and cried in obvious distress "I DON'T KNOW!!! Can't you understand that I don't know?"


   It was a mistake. He know it was a mistake, but...after putting the jewels back, he took the fat, little villainess back to Wayne Manor. Once again, he noticed that she moved, acted and spoke just like the Penguin he'd fought so often. Most tellingly, when he pressed her for details about the life and history of Wonder Woman or Amazon's in general, she could hardly remember anything. She could however remember a lot about the Penguins life, and by the time they arrived at the Batcave she was having a bit of a melt down.


   "Cobblepot! No, not Cobblepot, it's...c-c-c-Cobble-p-p-pot! Why can't I remember what my real name it? It's Ophelia Chesterfield Cobblepot! Bruce...WAK!!! Bruce, I'm going MAD!!!"


   He had nothing that would really fit a woman of her height and girth, but he made do with one of his robes. She looked both absurd and miserable as she sat in a guest room and pouted. Oddly enough, she also looked cute as heck in a strange way. Vulnerable. 


   "I'll contact Zatanna, Green Lantern and Superman in the morning. All three either understand magic or strange transformations from previous experience. I'll also check on any villains that we might have tangled with who may be able to do something like this."


   "How long is that list?"


   "You should know."


   The Penguin frowned and shook her head. "I try to remember my real past, but...the only memories that are clear are the Penguins. I remember him...er, her...me being teased as a child. My brutal father...my doting and loving mother...my first crimes...our first battles...wak-wak-wak, how we quarreled in those days. I remember EVERYTHING about being the Penguin, and almost nothing...about being...Wonder Woman."


   He felt uncomfortable about how vulnerable and open she was. If she was his old for or his old friend...


   "I do remember...that I loved you." She said, and one of her small, plump hands slid artfully over his own crotch. Bruce was still wearing his suit, though cape and cowl were removed. He looked down, then up...and saw them. The eyes of Diana Prince. The eyes of Wonder Woman. In that instant, he believed her and knew that all his memories of having battled this absurd yet dangerous woman must be twisted in some way. Her guided her hand away, but she again ran her hand over him, saying "I've always loved you, Batman. I love you Bruce. Now...as this mortal woman...I feel free to tell you."


   "Diana..." He blurted, and immediately regretted it. Just in case, he'd avoided using Wonder Woman's real name.


   She frowned and ran the name over her tongue like a new taste. "Die-ann-ah? It sounds...rather ugly. Not nearly as pleasant as 'Ophelia'. Diana? Is that my real name?"


   Bruce nodded, and the fat, little woman muttered "Diana...Diana..." under her breath...as she undid his pands and she lowered her plump, pouty mouth to his member. He didn't stop her, as she flicked her tongue over the head of his erect penis. "I...think I'd rather be the Penguin..." as she took his throbbing dick into her mouth. Diana was practically a virgin, being an animated clay statue from a manless island who'd never even touched a man 'that way' before. But her Penguin memories were of a lusty, greedy woman with a bottomless hunger for food, money...and sex. She was a creature of indulgence who'd never once even imagined that her wants and desires weren't NEEDS that simply HAD to be fulfilled. The frustrated hangups of Diana were nothing before the womanly WANTS of...who was she again?


   "Mmmm..." She moaned around the cock in her mouth. She kissed the tip and left him unsatisfied, grabbing the shaft and guiding it under her indulgent belly and into plump, well used sex. He started to stop her, but she shook her head. "I want this, Bruce. Diana wants this. She wants to love you...to fuck you...to show you that she's more than just a pretty face with a heart of gold. She wants to...I want to...fuck you. I want to...feel you inside me. In my pussy...in my mouth...up my wide, quaking backside. I want...I want you, Bruce..."


   Hours later, she looked down at him. Naked, muscled and oh so handsome, he was everything she'd ever wanted. Everything she'd ever dreamed off. The childish Diana (such an ugly name) hadn't been woman enough, but the lusty, larger-than-life Ophelia Chesterfield Cobblepot had been more than up for the job. She wanted him again. Needed him again. But...he was tired, and needed Hus rest. She settled back and lit another cigarette as she snuggled close to him. She...


   She was Wonder Woman.


   She didn't WANT to be Wonder Woman.


   She wanted to be...


   "How do you do?" she said to nobody at all "Who am I? Why...I'm the Penguin. I'm Ophelia Chesterfield Cobblepot-Wayne, to be exact." She squawked and burbled to herself in glee for a moment, smiling down at the man she would soon make her husband. And why not? Didn't the Penguin always get what she wanted?

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JimmyKasche - 9/22/2018 3:35 PM
caught a cold so haven't had any time to write really... but had that idea earlier and wanted to post it.
Gorel - 9/22/2018 2:33 PM
If anyone has any ideas on where they would like Satyr Silliness to go, let me know.
The Comedian - 9/19/2018 12:53 AM
The Dr. Diabolical stuff is really great. Loving all the America material, the character pairings feel really fresh.
Master_Kind - 9/18/2018 1:26 AM
Loving the Dr. Diabolical additions Special K Alpha, will add more soon. :)
JimmyKasche - 9/16/2018 2:08 PM
but you could use whomever obviously :P
JimmyKasche - 9/16/2018 2:07 PM
couldn't decide who to actually make the deputy mayor but had the idea of Mojo trying to hype that he's doing this for a good cause :P was debating between like Silver Sable or She-hulk
Gorel - 9/14/2018 10:25 AM
Hmm, wondering if anyone is interested in resurrecting an old story or two.
Master_Kind - 9/13/2018 1:12 AM
SpecialKAlpha, love the new chapter! Will add more soon! Jimmy, love that idea as well - will likely be giving a bimbo voice to PG in the near future.
JimmyKasche - 9/12/2018 6:22 PM
late on this but for the Saw thing maybe something to make Supergirl or Power Girl sound like bimbos... (not necessarily changing their iq's or anything but everything run through a bimbo filter)
Master_Kind - 9/12/2018 1:26 AM
Also had another idea re: duplicate Dicks - maybe the failsafe Reality Gem shard-powered device Nightwing finds retroactively creates a duplicate of him that is still affected by the MPC (the one at the wedding).

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